Distance does something to you. There are moments where you’re filled with a deep-rooted ache, like something irreplaceable is missing from your life and you desperately want it back. There’s always the uncertainty that the distance will change things and it’s agonizing to know that you have no control over that. All you can control is the time you have at present, so far away from the ones you love, but you are forced to learn how to function without seeing them every single day. You realize how often you took the times you had together for granted, and you vow to never let that happen again the next time you see them. You wish for the days to go by faster because you miss them so much. Some days it’s unbearable while other days, life manages to distract you enough to not feel it as strongly. But the ache is always there; it just hits you harder on some days more than others.
Distance really is a test of love and patience, I realize, and I hope I can be one of those fortunate souls who manage to endure it.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.” —Charles M. Schulz
Loss does something to you. It shakes your whole world in an instant, and without warning, you’re pushed off a cliff. At first, it doesn’t quite hit you yet and you’re just falling. But when it finally does, you crash into the ground and you feel the breath knocked out of you. And for a while, the only thing you can focus on is the pain, surrounding you, drowning you, and eventually, becoming you. It shatters you completely and the only way you can put yourself back together is when you embrace it; like a tree, you grow around it until it becomes something you carry with you for the rest of your life. Time makes things easier but it never erases them. They live forever in your heart and in your mind.
And if you look closely at the night sky, you’ll see a star you never noticed before. It shines brighter than the rest, and it twinkles at you. I’ll let you in on a little secret: that’s them, smiling down at you from the heavens, reminding you that they’re closer than you think and that they’ll always be there.
“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” —Edna St. Vincent Millay
© Ashes 2019