“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” – Pablo Picasso
Children grow up way too fast.
I’m sure in my parents’ minds, it was only yesterday that I was 4 and got lost in the shopping center back in KSA and my mother searched frantically for me, the shrill cries of her shouting my name still audible in my memories.
And now, I’m a sort-of-mature 18 year old who is meandering through life and trying to find her calling. But I’m still pretty childish, so I guess they haven’t ‘lost’ me completely yet. And hopefully never. Life’s more fun this way.
I’m the youngest in my family, so the closest thing I’ve had to younger siblings were my cousins. The first younger cousin I had was born when I was 6 years old. Naturally, I immediately took my role as big sister very seriously and I doted on him a lot. I still remember the funny things he used to say and all his crazy antics. And now he’s turning 13 this year and he’s so grown up and I feel like time has flown by way too fast.
When we’re children, most of us spend every moment of our lives doing things to keep us entertained, whether it’s playing silly games or hobbies like reading and watching T.V. I remember my childhood being rich with crazy and embarrassing activities, one of them being that I had dreams of becoming a famous Youtuber and perfecting my signature, just in case I had to sign autographs for fans of mine. I cringe at that memory now.
And then as I got older, I started losing my ambitiousness and my activities became more dull than fun, and I became a lot quieter whereas I was once a known chatterbox. Puberty hit me and things changed: I became more reserved and kept my crazy side more in check.
I miss her desperately. She was really fun to hang out with. And she had the most wildest of imaginations. I mean I still am all of that, but now I’m too cautious about things that I do and say. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing, I suppose.
But as we grow up, we all lose a part of ourselves, and no matter how hard we try, we can never get it back the exact way it once was.
That side of mine is still somewhere in me, and although I can’t channel her in my daily life, I can let her loose in my writings and stories. Her ideas and imagination, I mean, because her English skills were horrible and I don’t want those back now, nope.
I may be older now but I still have that childish and excitable streak in me.
And it intends to stick around for a while.
© Ashes 2018
Artwork by Martina Stipan