It’s sad but no matter how close you may have been to someone at a certain point in your life, there may come a day when they’re not very good for your mental health; toxic, and you may need to let them go.
That’s one of the hardest things to do.
You always recall the memories you made with them; all the laughs, the cries, the good times, and the bad. That just makes it harder.
And a part of you knows what needs to be done, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. You try to make excuses to keep them in your life, things like ‘What if I regret doing that someday? Maybe I should wait a little longer.’ You try to prolong the inevitable because it’s so hard.
You feel as though that person is someone you need in your life, they’re like an addiction. And that’s where you know that all of this might not be very unhealthy.
Sometimes you’re attached to people in the wrongest of ways. They’re your support system, yes, but you also feel unable to function without them in your life. You constantly seek their approval and sometimes there comes a point where you’re the only one putting in effort in the relationship. And that hurts so bad. That’s where you can tell that perhaps things need to change.
I haven’t had to let go of many people until just recently.
In my heart, I know what needs to be done but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. The time I spent with said people was some of the happiest memories of my life. I keep thinking to myself ‘If I try a little harder, maybe things will change. I don’t wanna rush things and then have regrets later.’ I know that I’m procrastinating. I may have realized things but I still haven’t been able to do anything about it.
But before, I was unwilling to even acknowledge that things weren’t right and that they needed to change. I’ve made progress. And I’m finally starting to take care of me.
I’ll get there.
© Ashes 2018
“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Artwork by Tabitha Cheree Kirstein