This is to you, my beloved grandparents.
Each day I sit by you, trying to keep you company, and each day I know I fall short of what you really deserve.
I know that I’m not the most terrible of granddaughters, but I do know I’m not the best of what I am capable of being.
As we sit there in silence, the TV sounds being the only noise in the air, I try to think of ways to bond with you. You should know that I’m just a less social person now and talking doesn’t always come easy to me, not like I used to be when I was younger. Back then, I used to visit you after a whole year and I would chatter about anything and everything. You should know that I lost that part of me many years ago, and you two are not at all to blame for what my introverted self is now.
Every day it’s only you two, with brief moments of my own company and my mother’s too. But I can’t imagine that being nearly as enough as what you truly deserve.
One thing I am extremely glad for is that you two have one another. I imagine it must all be so much worse if you two didn’t have each other for company and sanity and assurance and love. I wish to have someone like that in my life too someday. Someone to share each day of my life with, through all the ups and downs. Like what you are to each other.
The worst part is that I can see you being lonely but I can never get myself to do anything about it. I try in little ways to make you feel better but I don’t know if my efforts reach your hearts. And that’s all I want: for you to be happy and content, and I wish to be one reason for that happiness. I want to be one of those people who make an impact on your lives.
I try but I know it’s nowhere near enough.
You deserve so much more. So much better.
I’ll try harder, really I will. Just please don’t lose your hope in me yet.
I’ll try my hardest to bring back those smiles on your faces and the twinkles in your dim eyes.
© Ashes 2018