Today, I went to visit my old school, the place where I studied for 12 years, the place that has essentially played a major role in making me the person I am today.

I remember sitting there, my friends around me talking and laughing and being their brilliant, merry selves and feeling happier and lighter than I have in a long while.
But unfortunately I have a tendency to zone out and get lost in my thoughts, and I was reminded of a sad truth today.

It happened when my friends brought up a sensitive topic that we all had different opinions about. This time, they were all in favor of something which I too was in favor of once, but my view regarding it had changed in the past 2 years and I sat silently and slightly uncomfortably as I let them finish talking about it.

It was a sad reminder that I had changed. That we had all changed in more ways than one. That we had lives apart from each other now and although we intend to stay in contact for a very long time, things can never again be like they once were.

A small part of me was also afraid, that maybe if they knew what my opinions were now, they’d be disappointed or uncomfortable to be in my presence.
I’m at the point in my life where I’m trying to accept myself, quirks and flaws and all, so doubts like these tend to pop up in my mind quite often.

I know change is inevitable. As someone who hasn’t experienced much change in her life until just recently, even the smallest changes still give me pangs of anxiety. I’m learning though. And trying to adjust. We are always growing and changing. We were growing when our lives were intertwined, and we are still growing when our lives are apart.
It’s these changes that determine who stays in your life and who doesn’t. I know that there’s only so much I can hold onto the people in my life, and that the rest depends on them and whether or not they wish to stay.

I just hope that despite all the changes to come, the people who I currently consider the closest to me get to stay in my life for a really long time.

© Ashes 2018


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