To all the people who dampened my spirits with their words or actions;
To you, my friend, who joked about my small breasts and asked if I ever even went through puberty;
To you, my crush, who told me that no guy would ever like me;
To you, my mother, who discouraged me to follow my passion just because of what people might say, you who told me I’m too immature to go for what I want;
To you, my brother, who said I’m too much of a prude and will end up alone someday;
To you, my grandfather, who told me to wear clothes that would hide my figure, as if being so skinny was something to be ashamed about;
To you, strangers and even friends, who jokingly asked me if I was anorexic and made fun of my figure just because I weigh less than I am supposed to;
To you, many of you, who told me I’m too sentimental and introverted to be able to function in society, who said the world would eat me up if I didn’t get my head out of the clouds;
To all of you, who offhandedly made comments about my personality and appearance, and almost every aspect of mine that makes me who I am;
I know many of you didn’t intend for me to get hurt, but the truth is, your comments scathed me more than you could imagine. They ring in my ears almost every time I start to appreciate something about myself. They bring me down when I try my hardest to get back up and fight. And some days, I lose the battle. Some days I let your words affect me and I almost hate myself for things I can’t control.
But know this. I won’t stay down forever. Someday, I will get back up and I will stay that way. Someday I will be able to brush off your comments and I’ll finally have the self-confidence I knew I should have had all along. That day may not be today, but it will come. And I will be okay.
But what about you?
Someday, I will be able to overcome the things that weighed me down. But you might still be making comments about things you feel you have a right to joke about. And you don’t. No one does. I will have risen above your taunts and mockery, but what if someone else doesn’t and they are forced to go through the things I am going through?
Maybe right now I’m too much of a coward to tell you off about the things you made me go through. But someday, I won’t be, and I will fight for the people like me. I will try my hardest to stop you from doing to them what you did to me. And if I’m already too late, I’ll try my hardest to fix them and make them realize their worth. But until then, I pray you see the error in your ways and you have a change of heart and mind.
I pray for a miracle.
© Ashes 2017