I’ve always thought that something I’m really good at is feeling emotions deeply and not running away from them. Even after I had my heart broken, I thought I had felt the brunt of it and didn’t try to avoid what I was feeling.

But I was mistaken.

I’ve noticed that I’ve stopped sharing things with those around me, even my gal friends. I haven’t pulled away from them in the obvious sense, but I haven’t been sharing things with them like I used to and I can always detect a barrier on my part. I’m afraid to get close to my guy friends now, even in the platonic sense. I’m not sure what my fear is but there’s always an underlying unease within me now. Most of the time I feel like isolating myself from everyone and just being alone with my thoughts. I don’t like the way I’ve become.

But I’m trying to reacquaint myself with the person I used to be. It’s really important for a person to be comfortable in my their skin and I want to be able to rely on myself first before anyone else. I haven’t been able to do that for a while but I finally feel the need to. I want to be myself again; or perhaps just a more updated version of the old me. It’s proving to be quite challenging but I’m going to try my hardest to emerge victorious. I just need to have a little more faith in myself. I think we all do.

© Ashes 2017


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