Quite recently, a person I care immensely about chose to walk out of my life. And I remember in that moment how extremely angry and hurt I was. But looking back at it now, I realize how selfish I was being, seeing as I don’t think I was very good for him and I probably caused him a lot of pain and he had every right to leave if he was unhappy.
He was many things to me. He was my first love. He was my first boyfriend. Most importantly, he was my best friend for two years. And he taught me a lot about life.
He taught me to broaden my horizons. He helped me change my mindset and helped me realize that the world isn’t black and white. He brought me out of the darkness when I was going through a particularly hard time in my life. He taught me to truly live and to do things for myself and not just to please others. He taught me to try to take risks and not just stay in my comfort zone. He taught me not to place all my happiness and love in others’ hands, leaving none for myself. And most importantly, he made me realize that I need to focus on myself and love myself just as much as I love the people in my life, and to put myself first every once in a while.
For the longest time I have prayed for him to be the one for me someday. And even now though part of me still wants that, I know I’ll be okay if that’s not the case. Because I’ve come to realize that some people are only meant to enter your life, turn it completely around and make you question things, and not necessarily stay in your life after that. People come and go, and all you can do is love and care for them and hold onto them until they no longer want to stay.
There’s a quote I found a while back which I feel applies here:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too Painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Because that’s what he did. He tore down the feeble beliefs I so tightly tried to hold on to, and helped me find a way to put myself back together into a person I was proud to be, who held her head high and believed in herself after a very long time.
I don’t know if he’s a soul mate or not. I don’t know if I even believe in a soul mate. But what I do know is that I’m extremely grateful for fate and for our paths having crossed each others’, even if our ending was not what I had hoped for.
So yes, there are those who come into your life, have a major impact on you and then leave unexpectedly. Sometimes maybe all we can do is enjoy their company for as long as possible, hope we’ve had a positive effect on their lives as well, until it’s time for us to part ways.
And if we’re fortunate enough, we might just learn from the heartache and not grow resentful of the people who left us.
© Ashes 2017