It’s quite rare for me to be feeling this intense, fiery passion for something that I’m feeling right now and I want to document it, so that I can look back and draw strength and motivation from it when I’ve lost my will and way to fight, because I know that’ll happen, it always does. This time I want to be a little more prepared though.
Just a while ago I was stressing severely about something, and my friends managed to calm me. When I started to feel better, I got word that I didn’t make it into a club at uni which I was really looking forward to, my last shot at joining a club any time soon (or so I had thought at the time), and to say I felt dejected would be an understatement. Any positive feelings my friends had made me feel all dissipated in that moment. I had every intention of moping around for the rest of the night and wallowing in self-pity.
Until I remembered that something I’d been anticipating and dreading for so long was about to come up soon, and all was not lost: Dramatics club.
When I was younger, I used to be the lead in all the plays we had and acting was something that was fun and came naturally to me. Then I lost my spark sometime along the way, and although I don’t know if I still have it in me, I really want to give this a shot again.
I remember how exhilarating it felt to be in front of an audience. I remember a time when the nervousness fueled me and helped me want to do better. I don’t know when that morphed into crippling anxiety but it did. Now though, the urge to act and do well again is overpowering my anxiety and I might just be able to go through with the auditions. I really want to. I don’t remember feeling this hyper and motivated in months, if not years.
I realize how all the clubs I applied to, I did so halfheartedly. But this, I want with all my heart and soul, with every fiber in my being. I know that also means that I’ll take it all the more harder if I don’t manage to make it through, but at least now I can give it my all and hopefully there won’t be any regrets of not trying.
I’ll fight tooth and nail for this.
Let the record state that I have vowed to try my hardest, no matter what.
Now let us all hope I manage to carry through with that promise and don’t lose sight of what’s important to me at present.
Artwork by Alice X. Zhang